Disability and LGBT Families
As an ally of LGBT people, I wanted to participate in this blogathon sponsored by Mombian. And as a single-issue blogger, I wanted to incorporate disability issues into my contribution. But here's the thing: You can't be both. LGBT and disabled, that is. If there's much information out there, academic, anecdotal or otherwise about parents who are both LGBT and disabled I have missed it completely.
It's not surprising, really. Google gay parents and you get mostly debates about whether or not LGBT people are fit to parent. Google disabled parents and you may find some support groups for disabled parents, but you'll also find that mostly "disabled" refers to the children being parented. This is especially true for disabled foster children who do not top the list of wanted adoptees, but then usually the gay foster parents are allowed to foster but not adopt.
Interesting, that, eh? The unwanted and the unmarriageable. They are good for each other unless they want to make it official.
As for disabled parents, some have their parental rights challenged because of their impairments. And historically, disabled people have been involuntarily sterilized.
There's been a discussion recently on an online feminist bulletin board I frequent about how women in our culture are expected to have children. I'm unable to relate to this, since I don't have children, don't want any, and our culture doesn't want me to have any either. Once when I was about 20, an absurd misunderstanding between a professor and I led him to believe I had a child. The appalled look on his face was replaced by relief the moment I set him straight. Meanwhile, my nondisabled female peers who go to the gynecologist and inquire about getting their tubes tied because they don't want children either are sometimes referred to psychiatrists because this is abnormal behavior.
I don't have any anecdotes at hand about how exponentially more complicated it is for disabled LGBT parents to be taken seriously. Or, for that matter, nondisabled LGBT parents of disabled children. If you're out there, leave a comment, will ya?
Thanks to Frog for alerting me to this event.
4 comments:
You have given me much to think about on this special day of blogging about families. I promise to come back and read more of your posts.
I too, have a post announcing a special event (my daughter is expecting twins) I thought today would be the perfect time to do so.
You're right! Being gay and LGBT is all but prohibited and god forbid that you would bring a child into such an unholy union!
As a gay disabled man (or queer crip as is the term i have seldom the opportunity to use with any sense of solidarity), I have often felt between a rock and a hard place -- subtle homophobia and blatant heterosexism on the one hand; subtle abilism and blatant dysfunctionphobia on the other -- oh, which to choose?!
These days I feel increasingly comfortable living on the fringe so I notice this parallel unease less and less. What I have found is that living with such conflicting political identities has forced me into adopting an apolitical stance - an "I am who I am" state of being where my two opposing alliegances converge and are absorbed into a dynamic expression of uniqueness (or freakness, should one take a radical stance).
And so it would have been, but moreso, had the four opportunities for me to be a parent come to fruition. A metaphorical step onto the fringe of the fringe of the fringe -- a lonely, but inimitably fascinating, place to reside.
quote:
"And historically, disabled people have been involuntarily sterilized."
i found this statement to somehow ring true to me. i'm an m2f trans woman, an estranged divorced parent, and when i read this, the thought occured to me that perhaps one reason why the medical community offers even minimal support for trans surgery, especially those surgical procedures that "change sex", is that "sex change" surgery also renderes the "victim" sterile.
just thought i'd offer my perspective.
Interesting, I wouldn't have thought of that but it makes sense to me.
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