I can't help thinking (in horror) about an experience I had last year...
I became suicidally depressed in late 2005; among other things (like SSI-induced poverty) aspects of my disability were causing me incredible exhaustion and pain. After a lot of pressure from friends/family, I finally got a doctor to prescribe a patch-based painkiller in Summer 2006. Within a few hours, the pain was significantly gone, taking the self-destructive hatred with it.
I can't help thinking about what would have happened, had I lived somewhere like Switzerland... Would my friends/family have believed in pursuing life through pain relief, or just leapt straight to assuming pain relief = dead? What if they had developed a cultural belief in assisted suicide, or didn't exist -- so I never pushed my doc for relief? Or if the doctor wasn't strongly in favor of pain relief? Would I have a grave rather than a prescription?
Or if being Autistic is a form of mental illness, would constantly being told by an ex-boyfriend that the way I think/move/act/feel/etc. is wrong have led to a euthanasia shot, rather than learning the "different, not broken" from other Autistics? After all, I'd started hating myself and society agrees with the jerk that I'm "defective" for my differences, and I'm never going to "get better" in their eyes...
A person that wants to die will pretty much do what they have to, in order to make it happen.
There are a lot of worse ways than a shot of phenobarbitol. Is it better for a family to have to clean up a gunshot wound?
If a person is miserable enough (even with proper treatment) to want to die, I don't think it's my place to judge him or her.
I live with many conditions and manage to keep my head above ground. When I'm debilitated enough, I can take a sea cruise and just hop over the side. My hope would be that no one ever recovered my body. Of course, my family would all be notified so they don't worry.
Ew, that's just gross. I remember when I was seven and had my first suicidal episode my older cousin decided he was going to help me hang myself. The only reason I didn't do it was because the pipe he chose didn't seem strong enough to support my weight and I didn't want to make a mess. So I ended up living, just because I didn't trust him. But the whole "I'll help you die" thing for someone who is suicidal, gross. And living with bipolar, while it does suck ass, is really not the worst thing in the world. People will mental illnesses can still have a really good quality of life, if we allow ourselves time to see ourselves go out of an episode and if people respect us. Even for someone hearing chronic voices, there are ways to deal with it, like iPods, ironically! It just makes me furious, after knowing people with some really debilitating MI symptoms that they're living with, who are still doing amazing things with their lives and surviving, that people would assume we need to die because oh lord, it's so awful to think differently. I'd be interested to know what the guy with bipolar was dealing with that made him feel suicide was a better option. I just think there are SO many things that can be done to help people with psych disabilities that psychiatrists don't necessarily tell us.
Wasn't able to read the story but was able to read the comments.
I am bipolar and will probably end up using the services of Dignitas.
I have worked with Psychiatrists and Therapists for 15 years to no avail.
My grandfather was a prominent psychiatrist at Bellevue in the 30's. He worked with Kolb. He committed suicide alone in a hotel room.
His son was a nuclear scientist. He committed suicide also in his 40's.
I'm 40 now and I feel like it's just about my time.
I am coherent...even being up late at night as a bipolar...and of sound mind. What is so wrong with wanting some peace rather than living life with chemical torture, as I am medication resistant and experience terrible side effects. I'm not a delusional mentally-ill "nutcase" that can't rationally or logically think for myself as alluded to in the article comments.
To me, assisted suicide is the responsible way. Nobody needs to find me hanging from a rope, clean up blood from a gunshot or sliced wrists, find my decomposing body in a car after carbon monoxide poisoning.
I've already given most of my possessions away. Stuff isn't important in life anyways. My family is well aware of my desires and although I can certainly say that it doesn't please them, they all tell me that they understand. They've been witness to my tortured life and just want me to be at peace. If death brings that peace, so be it.
Best wishes and my you find your peace however it may be.
10 comments:
Holy crap.
I can't help thinking (in horror) about an experience I had last year...
I became suicidally depressed in late 2005; among other things (like SSI-induced poverty) aspects of my disability were causing me incredible exhaustion and pain. After a lot of pressure from friends/family, I finally got a doctor to prescribe a patch-based painkiller in Summer 2006. Within a few hours, the pain was significantly gone, taking the self-destructive hatred with it.
I can't help thinking about what would have happened, had I lived somewhere like Switzerland... Would my friends/family have believed in pursuing life through pain relief, or just leapt straight to assuming pain relief = dead? What if they had developed a cultural belief in assisted suicide, or didn't exist -- so I never pushed my doc for relief? Or if the doctor wasn't strongly in favor of pain relief? Would I have a grave rather than a prescription?
Or if being Autistic is a form of mental illness, would constantly being told by an ex-boyfriend that the way I think/move/act/feel/etc. is wrong have led to a euthanasia shot, rather than learning the "different, not broken" from other Autistics? After all, I'd started hating myself and society agrees with the jerk that I'm "defective" for my differences, and I'm never going to "get better" in their eyes...
Oh, oops...should have edited.
The first incident did happen primarily last year. The second one I described happened in 2001.
Moggy, as you've blogged about, Kevorkian is part of this illusion of choice. Many people just don't recognize that.
http://moggymania.blogspot.com/2007/01/on-assisted-suicide.html
CRAP. That is not what I wanted to read neven though I kew it was inevitable.
"The move has been labelled as "dangerous" as it could lead to a rapid rise in the number of people travelling to Switzerland for assisted suicide."
So, (said sarcastically) all the people travelling to Switzerland is what's dangerous about assisted suicide for those with mental illness.
Your terminology "illusion of choice" is on target. How sad. How horrible.
Janet
A person that wants to die will pretty much do what they have to, in order to make it happen.
There are a lot of worse ways than a shot of phenobarbitol. Is it better for a family to have to clean up a gunshot wound?
If a person is miserable enough (even with proper treatment) to want to die, I don't think it's my place to judge him or her.
I live with many conditions and manage to keep my head above ground. When I'm debilitated enough, I can take a sea cruise and just hop over the side. My hope would be that no one ever recovered my body. Of course, my family would all be notified so they don't worry.
Ew, that's just gross. I remember when I was seven and had my first suicidal episode my older cousin decided he was going to help me hang myself. The only reason I didn't do it was because the pipe he chose didn't seem strong enough to support my weight and I didn't want to make a mess. So I ended up living, just because I didn't trust him. But the whole "I'll help you die" thing for someone who is suicidal, gross. And living with bipolar, while it does suck ass, is really not the worst thing in the world. People will mental illnesses can still have a really good quality of life, if we allow ourselves time to see ourselves go out of an episode and if people respect us. Even for someone hearing chronic voices, there are ways to deal with it, like iPods, ironically! It just makes me furious, after knowing people with some really debilitating MI symptoms that they're living with, who are still doing amazing things with their lives and surviving, that people would assume we need to die because oh lord, it's so awful to think differently. I'd be interested to know what the guy with bipolar was dealing with that made him feel suicide was a better option. I just think there are SO many things that can be done to help people with psych disabilities that psychiatrists don't necessarily tell us.
And living with bipolar, while it does suck ass, is really not the worst thing in the world.
And I have heard it is also a window to intense creativity that many people with bipolar treasure many do not want to lose completely.
Found your blog through a google search.
Wasn't able to read the story but was able to read the comments.
I am bipolar and will probably end up using the services of Dignitas.
I have worked with Psychiatrists and Therapists for 15 years to no avail.
My grandfather was a prominent psychiatrist at Bellevue in the 30's. He worked with Kolb. He committed suicide alone in a hotel room.
His son was a nuclear scientist. He committed suicide also in his 40's.
I'm 40 now and I feel like it's just about my time.
I am coherent...even being up late at night as a bipolar...and of sound mind. What is so wrong with wanting some peace rather than living life with chemical torture, as I am medication resistant and experience terrible side effects. I'm not a delusional mentally-ill "nutcase" that can't rationally or logically think for myself as alluded to in the article comments.
To me, assisted suicide is the responsible way. Nobody needs to find me hanging from a rope, clean up blood from a gunshot or sliced wrists, find my decomposing body in a car after carbon monoxide poisoning.
I've already given most of my possessions away. Stuff isn't important in life anyways. My family is well aware of my desires and although I can certainly say that it doesn't please them, they all tell me that they understand. They've been witness to my tortured life and just want me to be at peace. If death brings that peace, so be it.
Best wishes and my you find your peace however it may be.
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